A Philosopher's Blog

Chris Christie Defends Policy of Quarantining Gun Owners

Posted in Humor by Michael LaBossiere on October 30, 2014

Newark — New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) defended his  policy of quarantining  New Jersey gun owners.

“The government’s job is to protect safety and health of our citizens and guns hurt and kill many people,” Christie said.  “I have no second thoughts about it.”

Christie’s policy goes far beyond what even most liberals recommend. Anyone who owns a gun will be subject to a mandatory gun quarantine. The gun owner can leave her place of residence, but the gun must remain. Guns brought into the state will be quarantined along with their owners. The quarantine facility consists of unheated tents located in the Pine Barrens. Those quarantined will be given cardboard boxes  for their bathroom needs and a packet of wet naps in the place of shower facilities.

Not everyone agrees with the governor’s plan.

“If you put everyone in one basket, even people who are clearly no threat, a basic liberty is being violated for no reason”, said John Adams. Echoing this sentiment, T. Jefferson expressed concerns about the second amendment.

Christie brushed off those concerns.

“Folks that … buy a gun understand it’s in their interest and in public health interest to be quarantined,” Christie said.

Christie said the quarantine arrangement was a necessary step to protect the public in densely populated areas, criticizing the federal Centers for Disease Control.

“The fact of the matter is, the CDC just doesn’t get how many people are killed by guns. Way the f@ck more than Ebola. Pardon my language. But, if we are going to quarantine people just because we are afraid, then we should be quarantining people who actually have a chance of hurting someone. ” Christie said.

The NRA, which was silent about the treatment of the nurse who was quarantined in New Jersey, has threatened to sue the governor. Said the spokesman, “sure, we could gave a pigeon’s patootie about the rights of an unarmed nurse..or people eating dogs and cats….but when the governor starts talking about infringing on the only liberty that matters, we are all in.”

“Whatever,”Christie said, when asked about the lawsuit from the NRA. “Get in line. I’ve been sued lots of times before. Get in line. I’m happy to take it on.”

Leaving the stage, Christie was heard to mutter, “I’ll quarantine drivers next…so many people die in automobile accidents…”

Disclaimer: This is a parody.

One Response

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  1. ajmacdonaldjr said, on October 30, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Basically, two things drive domestic public policy in the USA today: 1) efficiency; 2) political correctness.


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