A Philosopher's Blog

Being Single

Posted in Relationships/Dating by Michael LaBossiere on September 26, 2008

I’ve noticed that a surprising number of people now decide to remain single. Not just unmarried, but not even in a relationship or dating. I started thinking about this when some of my female friends told me that they simply do not date. Naturally, I did consider that they were cleverly preventing any attempts I might make to ask them out (I actually had no intention of doing so). However, time has made it clear that it was a life choice and not a ploy. Unless, of course, it is an amazingly long term ploy.

This got me thinking about why people make such a choice. After all, social tradition and expectations push people towards relationships. Further, people go on about how great it is to be in love. And, of course, there is that matter of sex.

One obvious reason some people stay single is that they cannot find another person. This might be because (sadly) no one wants them. Or it might be because (sadly) they have set their requirements so high that no mere mortal can meet them. Or perhaps they just happen to be someplace that is awful in terms of dating opportunities.

Another reason, and one that my friends have given, is that some people are too busy pursuing other goals such as career and education. Relationships take time and some people do not have the time for them. Interestingly, while women often give this as a reason, none of my male friends have ever said that they don’t date women because it would take too much time. It might be because women put in more effort than men and hence time is of more concern to them. Or maybe my sample is biased. Naturally, some people probably use this as an excuse to cover up their real reasons.

A third reason I have heard is that some people simply find life satisfying without a relationship and find little or nothing appealing in being in one. In some cases, people actually see relationships as detrimental and prefer to give up the positive aspects of a relationship to avoid the negative.  This view is often based on past experiences. A bad divorce or breakup can cause a person to think : “hey, being single isn’t so bad…at least I won’t lose half my stuff and no one is causing me emotional damage on a daily basis…other than those weasels at the office…” That can make a great deal of sense to a person who has been through the wringer.

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3 Responses

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  1. hotpopper321@yahoo.com said, on September 27, 2008 at 2:39 pm

    perhaps also that my excperience may be identified with other women, even men,…that the person you thought loved you and you them,..well, they were only looking for a sugar momma. yes, one of those tarty little boys who still want their nose and ass wiped, to be praised 24/7, to be amazed at what they accomplished in a 24hour period. all about them. so, as soon as you catch onto what they are about, you dump them. then you look about, thinking and setting out to find the one to be with, if and when it should happen, no exxpectations as to when it should happen or setting that bar/standards too high…hell, just someone to love you as you love them. i already know what i will tolerate and what i will not. i am not on some adventure of my career. i like things easy and simple. too many people complicate things that dont need to be complicated…the ones out there thinking that there is someone out there better all the time, ones who cheat or are cereal cheaters, so much bunched up garbage making it harder on themselves. people thinking there is this image, faking and bowing smoke up other’s ass’ like it’s going to really get them something real and honost when that cant themselves. that is my reasons for being single,..tho i have not ruled out falling inlove with someone…that would be fabulous and i would love it.

  2. magus71 said, on September 27, 2008 at 6:12 pm

    I could go on and on about this one. But suffice to say, our social structures are disintegrating, and we’re unhappier overall because of it. People are miserable, it seems.

    It doesn’t seem to me that when I was younger, this many people were single. People break up often after dating for very short periods of time. As for myself, I admit I’ve given up. If I can’t find a comfort zone with someone, there’s no point in going through all the negatives of starting a relationship. Life goes on.

  3. mjolnir367 said, on September 28, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    “This might be because (sadly) no one wants them. Or it might be because (sadly) they have set their requirements so high that no mere mortal can meet them. ”

    I feel like this.

    Also I put a lot of effort… but I get nothing back so why should I continue? I didn’t give up… I just haven’t found someone as mature also as me.


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